Progressive Exercise for Over 60 Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of room at each side. With a 5-lb potato sack in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides and hold them there as long as you can. Try to reach a full minute, and then relax. Each day you'll find that you can hold this position for just a bit longer. After a couple of weeks, move up to 10-lb potato sacks. Then try 50-lb potato sacks and then eventually try to get to where you can lift a 100-lb potato sack in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute. (I'm at this level.) After you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each of the sacks.
FOR THOSE OF US WHO REMEMBER These great questions and answers are from the days when Hollywood Squares' game show responses were spontaneous, not scripted, as they are now! Q.Paul, what is a good reason for pounding meat? A. Paul Lynde: Loneliness! (The audience laughed so long and so hard it took up almost 15 minutes of the show!) ------------ Q.Do female frogs croak? A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough. ------------ Q.If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it. ------------ Q.True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years... A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes. ------------ Q.You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman? A.. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake. ------------ Q.According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and youthink that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married? A.. Rose Marie: No wait until morning. ------------ Q.Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older? A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.. ------------ Q.What are 'Do It,' 'I Can Help,' and 'I Can't Get Enough'? A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment. ------------ Q.As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while talking? A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget. ------------ Q.Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather? A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily. ------------ Q..Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year? A.. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries. ------------ Q.In bowling, what's a perfect score? A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy. ------------ Q.During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet? A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom. ------------ Q.Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls? A.. Marty Allen: Only after lights out. ------------ Q.When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do? A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark? ------------ Q.If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to? A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.. ------------ Q.According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people? A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army. ------------ Q.Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do? A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth. ------------ Q.Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant? A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant? ------------ Q.Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they? A. Charley Weaver: His feet. ------------ Q.According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed? A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh
URGENT WARNING If You Get An Email Entitled"Nude Photo Of Hillary Clinton" Do Not Open It!! It Contains A Nude Photo Of Hillary Clinton!
One night, this guy comes into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. Then he asks for another. After a couple more drinks, the bartender gets worried. "What's the matter?" the bartender asks. "My wife and I got into a fight," explained the guy "and now she isn't talking to me for a whole 31 days." The bartender thought about this for a while. "But, isn't it a good thing that she isn't talking to you?" asked the bartender. "Yeah, except today is the last night."
Now, that's real focus! It was later reported that his wife got out safely, and that he did indeed par the hole. He says the divorce isn't going to be that bad, now that there's no house involved...
Sexual Exhaustion A teacher was wrapping up class, and started talking about tomorrow's final exam. He said there would be no excuses for not showing up tomorrow, barring a dire medical condition or an immediate family member's death. One smart ass, male student said, "What about extreme sexual exhaustion?", and the whole classroom burst into laughter. After the laughter had subsided, the teacher glared at the student, and said, "Not an excuse, you can use your other hand to write "
Mark and his wife were working in their garden one day when Mark looks over at his wife and says: "Your butt is getting really big, I mean really big! I bet your butt is bigger than the barbeque." With that he proceeded to get a measuring tape and measure the grill and then went over to where his wife was working and measured his wife's booty. "Yes, I was right, your butt is two inches wider than the barbeque!" The wife chooses to ignore her husband. Later that night in bed, Mark is feeling a little frisky. He makes some advances towards his wife who completely brushes him off. "What's wrong?" he asks. She answers: "Do you really think I'm going to fire up this Big-ASs grill for one little weenie
A small zoo in North Carolina obtained a very rare species of gorilla. Within a few weeks the gorilla, a female, became very difficult to handle. Upon examination, the veterinarian determined the problem. The gorilla was in heat. To make matters worse, there was no male gorilla available. Thinking about their problem, the Zoo Keeper thought of Bobby Lee Walton, a redneck part-time worker responsible for cleaning the animal cages . Bobby Lee, like most rednecks, had little sense but possessed ample ability to satisfy a female of any species. The Zoo Keeper thought they might have a solution. Bobby Lee was approached with a proposition. Would he be willing to mate with the gorilla for $500.00? Bobby Lee showed some interest, but said he would have to think the matter over carefully. The following day, he announced that he would accept their offer, but only under five conditions: "First" , Bobby Lee said, "I ain't gonna kiss her on the lips." The Keeper quickly agreed to this condition. “Second" , he said, "She must wear a 'Dale Earnhardt Forever' T-Shirt." The keeper again readily agreed to this condition. "Third" , he said, "you can't never tell no one about this." The keeper again readily agreed to this condition. "Fourth" , Bobby Lee said, "I want all the children raised Southern Baptist." Once again it was agreed. And last ," Bobby Lee said, "I'm gonna need another week to come up with the $500.00.”
Subject: Men's Help Line “Hello. You have reached the ‘Men’s Help Line.’ My name is Bob. How can I help you?” “Hi Bob. I really need your advice on a serious problem. I have suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. You know, just the usual signs: The phone rings and when I answer, the caller hangs up. Plus, she goes out with ‘the girls’ a lot. I usually try to stay awake to look out for her when she comes home, but I always fall asleep. Anyway, last night about midnight, I woke up and she was not home. So I hid in the garage behind my boat and waited for her. When she came home, she got out of someone’s car, buttoning her blouse, then she took her panties out of her purse and slipped them on. It was at that moment, while crouched behind the boat, that I noticed a hairline crack in the outboard motor mounting bracket. Is that something I can weld, or do I need to replace the whole bracket?”