At one time in my life, I thought I had a handle on the meaning of the word "service." "It's the act of doing things for other people." Then I heard these terms which reference the word service: Internal Revenue Service Postal Service Telephone Service Civil Service City & County Public Service Customer Service Service Stations Then I became confused about the word "service." This is not what I thought "service" meant. So today, I overheard two farmers talking, and one of them said he had hired a bull to "service" a few of his cows. BAM! It all came into perspective. Now I understand what all those "service" agencies are doing to us. I hope you now are as enlightened as I am.
An elderly lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding her hat tight so that it would not blow away in the wind. A gentleman approached her and said, "Pardon me, madam.. I do not intend to be forward but did you know that your dress is blowing up in this high wind?" "Yes, I know," said the lady. "I need both my hands to hold onto this hat." "But madam, you must know that you are not wearing any panties and your privates are exposed!" said the gentleman in earnest. The woman looked down, then back up at the man and replied, "Sir, anything you see down there is 75 years old. I bought this hat yesterday!"
3 contractors are biding to fix a broken fence at the White House. One is from Chicago, another is from Tennessee and the third is from Minnesota. All 3 go with a White House official to examine the fence. The Minnesota contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring then works some figures with a pencil. “Well”, he says, “I figure the job will run about $900. $400 for materials, $400 for my crew and $100 profit for me.” The Tennessee contractor also does measuring and figuring, then says, “I can do this job for $700. $300 for materials, $300 for my crew, and $100 profit for me.” The Chicago contractor doesn’t measure or figure, but leans over the White House officials and whispers, “2,700.” The official, incredulous, say, “You didn’t even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?” The Chicago contractor whispers back “$1000 for me, $1000 donation to your party and we hire the guy from Tennessee to fix the fence.” “Done!” replies the government officials… And that is government works?
APHORISMS FOR THE YEAR... It's not whether you win or lose, but how you place the blame. We have enough "youth". How about a fountain of "smart"? The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson. A Fool and his money can throw one heck of a party. When blondes have more fun, do they know it? LEARN FROM YOUR PARENTS' MISTAKES. USE BIRTH CONTROL. Money isn't everything, but it sure keeps the kids in touch. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you. We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse. Red meat is not bad for you. Fuzzy green meat is bad for you. Xerox and Wurlitzer will merge to produce reproductive organs. Alabama state motto: At least we're not Mississippi. The latest survey shows that three out of four people make up 75% of the population. "You know why a banana is like a politician?" "He comes in and first he is green, then he turns yellow... and then he's rotten." "I think Congressmen should wear uniforms, you know, like NASCAR drivers, so we could identify their corporate sponsors .." The reason Politicians try so hard to get re-elected is that they would 'hate' to have to make a living under the laws they passed.
Police Work At Its Best Two policemen call the station on the radio. "Hello, is this Sarge?" "Yes?" "We have a case here. A woman has shot her husband for stepping on the floor she had just mopped clean." "Have you arrested the woman?" "No sir. The floor is still wet..."