2014 SUMMMARY: Decided to take a break from trading as we go into the holiday season. So planning to not do any trading until January, 2015. I will keep this journal going, but may open up a new journal thread. I will also be starting fresh with TopstepTrader on my goal of trading OPM. So continuing with the transparency, let me write where I am at now. (Journaling for future review) Last night, it really hit me hard, that I am a slave to the environment that I was brought up in. That environment is based on generations of my ancestors lifestyles, attitudes, habits, and belief systems.... and a lot of it doesn't support positive behavior. This is just the person I was made to be, with no real control over that production. So it hits me.... "What if I can't change?" To reflect on that is a seriously depressing thought. I reminded myself, "That weakness isn't a problem if you find a solution." I also reminded myself of how much I have changed in the past, and so I know change is possible. Yet to do that, you have to look at your darkest demons and confront them and identify where they came from. So here goes, this is what I need to change: 1) I consistently cut my winners before they get to profit target, and that one thing alone totally screws up my expectancy and makes it extremely hard to be profitable. This is based on fear of there not being enough. 2) I care a lot about what other people think. In the back of my mind, there is a little voice that is worried about what the big shots at TST will think of my trading. So that second guesses my trading... and I felt the same thing when I made live trader prep. 3) The last year or more my confidence has been severely depleted. I think this has a lot to do with the separation from my wife of 19.5 years. So I have a hard time "believing" in the trade, that it will work out in my favor.... even though I have ample history showing my edge in trading. I know I can do this. I know I can change. I just have to be brave enough to confront my demons and make the changes required. Below will be my mantra for 2015. "Our continual work as traders is consistently building positive new trading behaviors." -Rich Friesen Thanks everyone for your support and encouragement.
(wrote this up before your excellent last post summarizing where you are) Here is the important stuff: keep going, mistakes happen. if you are learning from mistakes that can be more powerful than the damage the mistake has done. Here is the blah blah blah stuff: if it's a cognitive bias issue, I self-talk when putting on a trade, regardless of the stop placement, how will i perceive what wrong means (i.e choice is a correlated product, or a crude+index+metals day, or an XLF day, or whatever, many times trade pulled before stop hits, i.e negligible win amount,, moved the stop for +1 tick whatever), the bias talk is a constant discussion while the trade is on to stay objective. this morning, bias has changed 5 times, 3 trades pulled well before stop ( or about to put on but didn't put on), with 2 positive trading outcomes m.f.e. clear the mind of demons, uncertainty, the argument with so and so, block that out, focus on the NOW, the trade. Suggest Eckhart Tolle The Power of NOW on everyone's bookshelf.
Yukoner, I hope..., I am not out of line with what I post here - if I am - I apologize to your Sir What struck me when I read the above Emotional independence - specifically the lack of it (which is emotional dependence) And this dependence is all (or mostly) fear based - likely instilled as an adolescent Not getting / having enough What others think Letting others down Being abandon Then me extrapolating a bit; a fear of being wrong - which is feeding / perpetuating the above fears ============= My post is straight up - just one trader sharing his observations with a colleague It is not meant to disparage in any way Sir... So if I am wrong..., or off base - please don't hesitate to say so =============== On another note; You can change If you are willing to do the work And more / most importantly - if you are willing to change Just realize and accept - humans are hard wired to resistant change - so it will take work And there will be times when repeating a step - multiple times before it sticks - is required I have this saying; To make things easy - accept they are hard RN
@Redneck Not out of line at all... just being very generous. Thanks for taking the time to share. Wish I could buy you a beer or three at my favorite pub on the island here. I am sure I will read your post several times, and reflect on it. I know change is possible... how much do I need to give up of my current reality to change?
As much as no longer suits your needs - supports where you want to be..., who you want to be..., what you want to do And we never really "give up" any reality - we modify it I trust once you believed in Santa.., the Tooth Fairy..., the Easter Bunny..., Loved ones would always love us..., we are invincible..., infallible (at one point our kids believed we walk on water..., mine now believe I'm the stupidest human on the face of the planet - oh how times do change ) Those beliefs (our reality once upon a time) still exists within us - but are now significantly diminished..., and another reality in their place btw - I still believe in Santa This is what must be done; take the reality you have - modify it to meet your needs ================= On another note I purchased some moonshine Friday - damn that stuff is potent..., and good Yes Sir I would love a beer - on vacation for next two weeks RN
After reflecting on the above sentence - I could have worded it better - so let me do that ======== Those beliefs (our reality once upon a time) still exists within us - but have significantly diminished..., and been supplanted by other realities (beliefs) ========== It not a matter of giving anything up (losing anything) Rather it about redirecting - in a manor..., way..., direction - that supports us in an honest..., beneficial..., and healthy way Certainly we can (and often do) have beliefs (realities) that destroy / rip us apart / undermine every step of our desired way But why should we..., why would we - if we truly our own best friend RN
Yukoner, I suggest that you rephrase the first sentence above so you can open the door to change: "I feel like a slave to the behaviors I cultivated to protect myself from parts of the environment I was brought up in that were stressful and frightening to me. I did the best I could at the time because I didn't realize what things I did have control over. I have control over my own thoughts, words, and actions, and only mine, not others'. I can learn to replace my negative thoughts, words, and actions with positive ones by "doing the opposite of"." You can change, but very rarely through reading a book or thinking positive thoughts. The major changes occur through courageously acting your way into right thinking. http://www.amazon.com/Thoughts-Feelings-Taking-Control-Moods/dp/1608822087 This is a workbook, by the way.