Ooo, I' ve been waiting a while to say this: Yankee Bastards! Virginia, eh? That's like halfway up North from here. Are you sure that's below the Mason-Dixie line?
Yes, T, as everybody up here knows, Richmond was the capital of the South back then. Lovely state, Blue Ridge mountains and the Shenandoah Valley, great booze (local production of course.) Graduated from UVA a couple of decades ago, but I'm still waiting for the Cavaliers to win a couple of &&^^%%$$ football games! Seems to me, they are all too busy driving their dads' Porsches to practice, that's all.
A Little Bit Of Word Mongering A day without sunshine is like . . . Night. On the other hand, you have different fingers. I just got lost in thought. It wasn't familiar territory. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name. I feel like i'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe. Honk if you love peace and quiet. Remember, half the people you know are below average. He who laughs last thinks slowest. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your week. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines. Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments. If you believe in psycho-kinesis, raise my hand. Ok, so what's the speed of dark? How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink? When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges? Eagles may soar, but weasels do not get sucked into jet engines. What happens if you get scared half to death twice? I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out. Why do psychics have to ask you your name? Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened. Light travels faster than sound, which is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
International Symbol Of Marriage Is Approved New York-AP- On April 21, 2005, After 5 years of heated debate, the UN Commission of Human Rights approved the new International Symbol of Marriage:
Friendship Friendship among Women: A woman doesn't come home one night. The next day she tells her husband she slept over at a friend's house. The man calls his wife's 10 best friends. None of them know anything about it. Friendship among Men: A man doesn't come home one night. The next day he tells his wife he slept over at a friend's house. The woman calls her husband's 10 best friends. 8 of them say he did sleep over and 2 claim he's still there...
Corporate Life #22: Five Important Lessons #1. A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel." After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?" "It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies. "Great!" the husband says, "Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?" Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure. #2. A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest apologized "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak." Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory." Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity. #3. A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish." "Me first! Me first!" says the admin. clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." Poof! She's gone. "Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life." Poof! He's gone. "OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, "I want those two back in the office right after lunch." Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say. #4. A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A rabbit asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?" The crow answered: "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested. A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it. Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up. #5. A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the energy." "Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally, after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree. Moral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.
Hey that reminds me, here's a good video: http://www.immortal3d.com/Animations/Ray_11.9meg.mpg Raymond and his love for cheese.
A Doctor was addressing a large audience in Tampa. "The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High fat diets can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have, or will, eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?" After a second or two of quiet, a 75-year-old man in the front row raised his hand, and yelled, "WEDDING CAKE!"
Blonde Alligator Shoes A young blonde was on vacation and driving through the everglades. She wanted to take home a pair of alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices local vendors were asking. After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle on prices attitude" of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, " well then, maybe I`ll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes for free"! The shopkeeper said with a sly knowing smile, "Little lady, just go ahead and give it a try!" The blonde headed out toward the swamp, determined to catch an alligator Later in the day as the shopkeeper was driving home, he pulls over to the side of the levee where he spots the same young woman standing waist deep in the murky bayou water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he spots a huge 9 foot gator swimming rapidly toward her. With lightening speed, she takes aim, kills the creature and hauls it onto the slimy bank of the swamp. Lying nearby were 7 more of the creatures, all on their backs. The shopkeeper stood on the bank in silent amazement. The blonde struggled and flipped the gator onto its back. Rolling her eyes heaven-ward and screaming in great frustration, she shouts: "Damn......THIS ONE`S BAREFOOT TOO!"