An 85 year old man visits his doctor to get a sperm count. The geezer's given a jar and told to bring back a sample. The next day he returns to the doctor with an empty jar. "What happened?" says the doctor. "Well," the old man starts, "I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then her left -- nothing. Then she tried with her mouth, first with her teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing. We even called Evelyn, the lady next door, but still nothing." The doctor bursts out, "You asked your neighbor?" "Yep, No matter what we tried we couldn't get that damn jar open."
Red Neck Vacation Plans Billy Bob and John Boy were talking one afternoon when Billy Bob tells John Boy, "Ya know, I reckon I'm 'bout ready for a vacation. Only this year I'm gonna do it a little different. The last few years, I took your advice about where to go. Three years ago you said to go to Hawaii. I went to Hawaii and Betty Sue got pregnant. Then two years ago, you told me to go to the Bahamas, and Betty Sue got pregnant again. Last year you suggested Tahiti and darned if Betty Sue didn't get pregnant again." John Boy asks Billy Bob, "So, what you gonna do this year that's different?" Billy Bob says, "This year I'm taking Betty Sue with me." ---------------------------------------------- Kind of begs the question, "If two Rednecks get a divorce, is they still brother and sister????"
A guy walks into a bar, sits down and says to the bartender, "Quick pour me twelve drinks." So the bartender pours him twelve shots and the guy starts shooting them back as fast as he could, one after another. The bartender says to the guy, "Boy you are drinking those drinks really fast." The guys says, "Well, you would be drinking really fast too if you had what I've got." The bartender says, "What've you got?" The guy says, "75 cents."
Or, alternatively, it's a miracle you don't get hit by a projectile for posting your favorite Reader's Digest joke on ET. ....... :eek:
Good Czech Eyesight A Czech goes to the ophthalmologist who shows him a card with the letters 'C Z W X N Q S T A C Z'. "Can you read this?" he asks. "Read?" the Czech replies, "I even know the guy!"
Free Redneck Bar-B-Que Gril Stainless steel grill, for FREE, you read right, FREE! Available in all stores: Publix - Win Dixi - K-Mart - A&P - Wall Mart - Wallgreens..... Hurry before they run out of stock! <IMG SRC=http://www.elitetrader.com/vb/attachment.php?s=&postid=799228>
It's people like you who give rednecks a bad name. Any of them could tell you that fire ain't hardly worth cookin over. There's not nearly enough embers to crank out some true redneck heat. And that bread way up there, is that for the birds? Cuz it's gonna go stale before it ever toasts. Geez. Some people. And you forgot my personal favorite grocery store, the Piggly Wiggly. Winn-Dixie, BTW. Walmart. Also Food Lion. No A&P in the South, AFAIK.
Yeah, you are right, too little heat - not to mention that I hadn't even seen those two silly slices of bread. This picture must be a fake (or maybe terrorist propaganda) and doesn't do right by your friends at the Piggly Wiggly, etc, darn it... Sooorry! (Btw, there are plenty of A&Ps in VA.)