I was sitting at a stoplight yesterday, minding my own business, waiting on it to turn green. A carload of young, loud Muslims shouting anti American slogans stopped next to me. The light changed, the Muslims shook their fists, hit the gas and darted off ahead of me. Suddenly an 18-wheeler came speeding through and ran directly over their car, crushing it completely. For several minutes I sat in my car thinking to myself, "Man, that could have been me!" So today, bright and early, I went out and got a job as a truck driver.
New Post 08-11-11 11:23 PM Quote from mattmecham: You discuss these things over the family dinner table? Yes "Sweetheart.... would you pass the Scungillli? You know, that reminds me. We had this emergency case in the ER today..............."
Lol! Yes, I used to endure some not too appetizing stories at the dinner table as a kid.:eek: I remember my Dad getting up from the table once, throwing his plate in the sink, and watching t.v. after my Mom said, "we had another gay in the ER today. This one had a light bulb stuck in his rectum.":eek: And that was close to 30 years ago. I can't imagine what goes on today...:eek: :eek:
Lol! "A little boy goes to school and tells his teacher "Me and Dad were driving along and we hit a big bull moose right in the ***!" The teacher says "rectum, not a**!" Kid says, "Rectum? Damn near killed him."
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It was lucky that I went to see a fortune teller today. She warned me that somebody was going to swindle me. I was more than happy to pay for that kind of information.
You know you're a fat bastard when you go through the self service checkout in the supermarket and it says "unexpected item in the bagging area" when you scan a head of lettuce.