Jokes 2

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by gwb-trading, Apr 30, 2007.

  1. Quotable quotes

    "As Obama spoke, stock markets were registering another steep decline...."

    :D
     
    #9471     Aug 8, 2011
  2. A young monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to helping the other monks in copying the old canons and laws by hand.
    He notices, however, that all of the monks are copying from copies, not from the original manuscript. So, the new monk goes to the head abbot to question this, pointing out that if someone made even a small error in the first copy, it would never be picked up! In fact, that error would be continued in all of the subsequent copies.
    The head monk, says, "We have been copying from the copies for centuries, but you make a good point, my son."
    He goes down into the dark caves underneath the monastery where the original manuscripts are held as archives in a locked vault that hasn't been opened for hundreds of years. Hours go by and nobody sees the old abbot.

    So, the young monk gets worried and goes down to look for him. He sees him banging his head against the wall and wailing, "We missed the "R" ! , we missed the "R" !"
    His forehead is all bloody and bruised and he is crying uncontrollably.
    The young monk asks the old abbot, "What's wrong, father?"
    With A choking voice, the old abbot replies, "The word was... CELEBRATE !!! "
     
    #9472     Aug 8, 2011
  3. TGregg

    TGregg

    And fixed, I might add.
     
    #9473     Aug 8, 2011
  4. The Chinese.

    I see they have fake apple stores and MCD's, the name of their knock off pizza hut? Pizza Huh.

    [​IMG]
     
    #9474     Aug 9, 2011
  5. lmao...makee U turn
    ---------------------------------------
    4. Take the exit onto US-1 N toward Trenton/Morrisville
    Entering New Jersey
    26.2 mi
    5. Make a U-turn
    Destination will be on the right
    0.3 mi
     
    #9475     Aug 9, 2011
  6. [​IMG]
     
    #9476     Aug 9, 2011
  7. Yannis

    Yannis

    Always Loved This One: An Accident Report

    I am writing in response to your request for “additional information.” In block number 30 of the accident report form, I put “poor planning” as the cause for my accident. You said in your last letter that I should explain more fully. I trust that the following detail will be sufficient.

    I am an amateur radio operator. On the day of the accident, I was working alone on the top section of my new 80-foot antenna tower. When I completed my work, I discovered that I had, over the course of several trips up the tower, brought about 300 lbs. of tools and spare hardware. Rather than carry the now unneeded tools and materials down by hand, I decided to lower the items in a small barrel by using a pulley, which fortunately was attached to the pole at the tip of the tower. Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to the top of the tower and loaded the tools and materials into the barrel. Then I went back to the ground and untied the rope, holding it tightly to insure a slow descent of the 300 lbs. of tools.

    You will note in block number 11 of the accident report form that I weigh 155 lbs. Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I proceeded at a rapid rate up the side of the tower. In the vicinity of the 40-foot level, I met the barrel coming down. This explains my fractured skull and broken clavicle.

    Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley. Fortunately by this time I had regained my presence of mind and was able to hold tightly on the rope in spite of the pain. At about the same time however, the barrel hit the ground. The bottom fell out of the barrel. Devoid of the weight of the tools, the barrel now weighed 20 pounds.

    I refer you again to my weight in block number 11. As you might guess, I began a rapid descent down the side of the tower. In the vicinity of the 40-foot level, I met the barrel coming up. This accounts for the two fractured ankles and the lacerations or my legs and lower body.

    The encounter with the barrel slowed me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell into the pile of tools, and fortunately only three vertebras were cracked. I am sorry to report, however, that as I lay there on the tools in pain, unable to stand, and watching the empty barrel 80 feet above me, I again lost my presence of mind.

    I let go of the rope…

    :) :) :)
     
    #9477     Aug 9, 2011
  8. fhl

    fhl

    I called my congressman's office to register my disapproval on a bill concerning bi-sexuality that congress is considering.

    The staff person told me the congressman could go either way on the bill.
     
    #9478     Aug 9, 2011
  9. Awesome.
     
    #9479     Aug 9, 2011
  10. -----------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Hala!!! She study tonic immobility.
     
    #9480     Aug 9, 2011