My neighbour gave me a bit of grief yesterday, called me a xxxxxxx. So I contacted Walmart and asked if they had something big to take care of the problem. The sales guy asked me if I had a problem with rats and directed me to this page. I was thinking more in the line of a 120mm cannon but will have to compromise I guess
A waitress in tescos cafe asked me if i wanted anything on my burger I replied "yeah five dollars to win"
These Te'o jokes are all very funny but let's all try and remember that a person who never existed is dead.
A Bit Of English Humour A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid. When I quizzed him on it he reckoned he could stop any time.... My daughter asked me for a pet spider for her birthday, so I went to our local pet shop and they were £40!!! Forget this, I thought , I can get one cheaper off the web. I was at an ATM yesterday when a little old lady asked if I could check her balance , so I pushed her over. Statistically , 6 out of 7 dwarves are not Happy. My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30am this morning , can you believe that ,2:30am?! Luckily for him I was still up playing my Bagpipes. Paddy says "Mick , I'm thinking of buying a Labrador ."Forget that" says Mick "have you seen how many of their owners go blind?" I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the ice!! At least I presume she was poor - she only had £1.20 in her purse. My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker. Well , she's not exactly my girlfriend yet. The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst. So I have been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back. Two Muslims have crashed a speedboat into the Thames barrier in London . Police think it might be the start of Ram-a-dam. Sat opposite an Indian lady on the train today , she shut her eyes and stopped breathing. I thought she was dead , until I saw the red spot on her forehead and realised she was just on standby. Local Police hunting the 'knitting needle nutter' , who has stabbed six people in the rear end in the last 48 hours , believe the attacker could be following some kind of pattern. 19 paddies go to the cinema , the ticket lady asks "Why so many of you?" Mick replies , "The film said 18 or over." An Asian fellow has moved in next door. He has travelled the world , swum with sharks , wrestled bears and climbed the highest mountain. It came as no surprise to learn his name was Bindair Dundat.
A Great Oldie: Archie Bunker <iframe width="640" height="360" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/MnignqBw4CY?feature=player_detailpage" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>
I phoned the NRA to see if they could help me out. When the guy asked me what was the problem, I told him I needed something big and fast as I was expecting those terrorist cousins of mine. He said they didn't do much in the bigger stuff than mortars and for those I would have to go to headquarters. I said could he sent a crate load to my Middle East address.