Met an old Arapaho at the bar the other day. He was laying into a big ol' steak, and ignoring the potato. His salad stood untouched to the side. Some young white dude with dreadlocks sat down next to him. (This place in uptown Charlotte is astonishingly diverse, I kid you not) The dude looks at the redman's dinner and says "What's up with the carnivore-ism? Surely you did not get to your grand age by eating flesh! And I thought you Original Americans are healthy!" The bartender (sensing trouble) bartended over and asked the dude what he wanted. "I'll take the Vegan Special, please." The old Indian looked at the dude and said slowly: "Vegan is Arapaho for bad hunter".
Barry and his vegan friend Sam were drinking tea one afternoon. After they had finished, Barry asks, "Did you enjoy that tea?" To which Sam replies, "Yes, it was lovely." "I have something to tell you," Barry starts. "There was cow's milk in that tea." Furious, Sam leaves... The next week, Barry was over in Sam's house for tea. "Hey Barry, did you enjoy that tea?" "Yes...." he replies. "I have something to tell you..." says Sam. "....I fucked your wife."
IT HIT ME LIKE A TON OF BRICKS! I Just Realized Something It just hit me! My dog sleeps about 20 hours a day. He has his food prepared for him. His meals are provided at no cost to him. He visits the Dr. once a year for his checkup, and again during the year, if any medical needs arise. For this he pays nothing, and nothing is required of him. He lives in a nice neighborhood in a house that is much larger than he needs, but he is not required to do any upkeep. If he makes a mess, someone else cleans it up. He has his choice of luxurious places to sleep. He receives these accommodations absolutely free. He is living like a king, and has absolutely no expenses whatsoever. All of his costs are picked up by others who earn a living. I was just thinking about all this and suddenly it hit me like a ton of bricks: My dog is a CONGRESSMAN!
A blonde decided to start a chicken farm, so she bought a hundred chickens to start. A month later, she returned to the dealer for another hundred chickens because all of the first lot had died. A month after that she was back at the dealers for another hundred chickens for the second lot had also died. "But I think I know where I'm going wrong," she said... "I must be planting them too deep!"
There was a loser who couldn't get a date. He went to a bar and asked a guy how to get a date. The guy said, "It's simple. I just say that I'm a lawyer." So the guy went up to a pretty woman and asked her out. After she said no, he said, "See that guy at the table over there?" "Yeah, what about him?" she replied. "He's a lawyer."