by MAUREEN DOWD: When he heard the Nobel Peace Prize shocker on Friday, Bill Clinton went into one of his purple rages. He picked up the phone and dialed the one person on earth who would be as steamed as he was. CLINTON: Hey, man, itâs me. This thing is plumb crazy. Can you believe it? W: No way, Jose! CLINTON: First that prig Carter. Then that prig Gore. And now President Paris Hilton. The guyâs in office three days and he gets the peace prize? He should have gotten the Nobel in chemistry, because chemistryâs all heâs got. Talk about a fairy tale. This ... is ... just ... wrong! Itâs killing me, man. I feel like my headâs explodinâ. First I had the vast right-wing conspiracy, and now I have the vast left-wing conspiracy. W.: I hear ya, 42. As if his head wasnât big enough. This cat is all cage, no bird. He doesnât have a clue. CLINTON: Heck no. W.: See, Iâm the one who should be mad. Let me tell you, this Norwegia thing has nothing to do with him. Itâs just another way for the pinkos of the world to drop a cow patty on my legacy. All that garbage in the prize statement about how special La Bamba is for bringing back wimpy multilateral diplomacy, dialogue and negotiations, the kind my dad and Scowcroft loved. Those Nobel ninnies are so lulu left they make the U.N. look like a Fox jamboree The rookie already got rewarded once for not being me when he got elected. Gosh, what would he do without me? CLINTON: Fine, but you never expected to win this prize. You were the quote-unquote war president and proud of it. I had to put up with a gazillion hours of Arafatâs insanity, but I guess that still wasnât enough for those Oslo ice queens. I guess ending ethnic cleansing in Bosnia wasnât enough, or bringing peace to Northern Ireland. And I guess my work with the Clinton Global Initiative saving lives in Africa and hanging with Bono and Barbra wasnât enough. W.: Calm down, bro. You gotta take care of that ticker. CLINTON: It was a case of premature adulation. W.: Heh-heh-heh. Yeah, very pre-emptive, sort of like Cheneyâs pre-emptive war policy. CLINTON: If they werenât going to give it to me, they should at least have given it to the Chinese human rights movement or the Iranian protesters or AIDS workers in the Congo. Or even Bono. W.: Yeah, man. Bono. CLINTON: That would have helped make life better for the good guys and harder for the bad guys. Once again, action loses out to talk, just like with Hillary and Obama in the campaign. Nobel Prize for blah-blah-blah. Heck, I used to be considered a pretty good talker myself. W.: Itâs aggravating, I agree. But look at it this way, 42. Everybodyâs laughing at La Bamba. He gets a Nobel for nada. Being loved by Europeans isnât gonna do him any good here in the U.S. of A. I whupped that Frenchy Kerry, didnât I? CLINTON: The only peace Obama has made is bringing together the Taliban, Rush Limbaugh, the Palestinians and the Israelis to agree the guy is undeserving. It just confirms everyoneâs suspicion that all this dude knows how to do is dazzle. W.: He doesnât want to be a Decider. He wants to be a Transformer. He transformed, all right â from Miss America to Miss Universe. Heâs a five-spiral crash, and getting the gold is just a reminder of all he hasnât done. Heâs going to have to look over and see that big medallion hanging up there in the Oval, mocking him as an empty suit, a pretty boy beloved by the Blame-America-First crowd, whenever he has to send more troops to Afghanistan, or the Taliban act up, or Iran fires up for nukes. CLINTON: Maybe youâre right, George. Some winners think the Nobelâs the kiss of death. Any peace prize that goes to Henry Kissinger but not Gandhi ainât worth a can of Alpo. Heck, if Gandhi had known he was going to lose out to Henry the K, he could have had more time to eat french fries and chase girls. W.: And finish getting dressed. Heh-heh-heh. CLINTON: Barackâs going to give that $1.4 million away to charity. I got a charity. How âbout he just signs it over to me? Speaking of money, we need to do another of those joint lecture things. W.: Iâm fairly footloose. This is the beginning of a beautiful friendship. Go choke on a herring, Norwegia! http://www.nytimes.com/2009/10/11/o...ion&adxnnlx=1255260932-x5gie8OaTyC0EK7zJZTHxg
this is really funny : one could actually imagine Bush and Clinton on the phone talking about La Bamba!