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$800 to $350 million in only 2 weeks!

    Wednesday March 19, 2003


    NEW YORK -- Federal investigators have arrested an enigmatic Wall Street wiz on insider-trading charges -- and incredibly, he claims to be a time-traveler from the year 2256!

    Sources at the Security and Exchange Commission confirm that 44-year-old Andrew Carlssin offered the bizarre explanation for his uncanny success in the stock market after being led off in handcuffs on January 28.

    "We don't believe this guy's story -- he's either a lunatic or a pathological liar," says an SEC insider.

    "But the fact is, with an initial investment of only $800, in two weeks' time he had a portfolio valued at over $350 million. Every trade he made capitalized on unexpected business developments, which simply can't be pure luck.

    "The only way he could pull it off is with illegal inside information. He's going to sit in a jail cell on Rikers Island until he agrees to give up his sources."

    The past year of nose-diving stock prices has left most investors crying in their beer. So when Carlssin made a flurry of 126 high-risk trades and came out the winner every time, it raised the eyebrows of Wall Street watchdogs.

    "If a company's stock rose due to a merger or technological breakthrough that was supposed to be secret, Mr. Carlssin somehow knew about it in advance," says the SEC source close to the hush-hush, ongoing investigation.

    When investigators hauled Carlssin in for questioning, they got more than they bargained for: A mind-boggling four-hour confession.

    Carlssin declared that he had traveled back in time from over 200 years in the future, when it is common knowledge that our era experienced one of the worst stock plunges in history. Yet anyone armed with knowledge of the handful of stocks destined to go through the roof could make a fortune.

    "It was just too tempting to resist," Carlssin allegedly said in his videotaped confession. "I had planned to make it look natural, you know, lose a little here and there so it doesn't look too perfect. But I just got caught in the moment."

    In a bid for leniency, Carlssin has reportedly offered to divulge "historical facts" such as the whereabouts of Osama Bin Laden and a cure for AIDS.

    All he wants is to be allowed to return to the future in his "time craft."

    However, he refuses to reveal the location of the machine or discuss how it works, supposedly out of fear the technology could "fall into the wrong hands."

    Officials are quite confident the "time-traveler's" claims are bogus. Yet the SEC source admits, "No one can find any record of any Andrew Carlssin existing anywhere before December 2002."

    Weekly World News will continue to follow this story as it unfolds. Keep watching for further developments.

  2. I mean, time travelling has not been completely excluded by physics, it's that it is still highly speculative and no-one has come up with practical ways of doing it. Theoretical ways involve objects that we still need to either find in the Universe or build in the lab. Doing so in the lab is impossible at this stage of the mankind's technology.

    But if time travelling is possible then future generations are making quite a bundle on us...
  3. that is a super cool post ! funny !!! you made my weekend !

    thanks !

  4. Actually, time travel has been accomplished before, albeit on a small scale. Ever hear about the experiments done by the military with jets and Uranium clocks?
  5. WE'RE ALL ALREADY TIME TRAVELERS!!!!! Yes, it's true, too! (just on small scales) :-/

    F. PeBBLe
  6. I see vhehn travelled back in time and reposted this thread yesterday!! :D

    Just kidding! sorry, I didn't know this was already posted! :cool:
  7. This is an Entertainment News.

    I want to be one of the closest friends of this individual so that I know how long this war would last.

  8. What do you mean? Can you give us some references to these experiments? The only experiments of this kind that I know about have only shown that time does slow down when you travel fast which is an effect predicted by standard relativistic physics and was already known to Einstein ca 1905 if not sooner. But that does not yet mean that you can go back in time. That would require moving with a speed greater than the speed of light if you were to do it in the simplest way. This is forbidden by the standard physics as we know it. There are some speculations of how to get around it. But that's more complex...

    Anyway, a good book about it is 'Faster than Light' by Nick Herbert. Probably seriously outdated as it was first published in 1989, but can serve as a good intro into this subject.
  9. :p
  10. I'll try and recall it as best I can as told to me by a professor who was in the Air Force. Basically, a Uranium clock is the most accurate clock known to man, accurate to something like one second per million years. A uranium clock was put on each of two AF jets, with the clocks both precisely at the same readings. One flew at top speed with the rotation of the Earth, and one flew at top speed opposite the Earth's rotation. Upon landing, it was discovered that the uranium clocks were no longer in synch, but rather one was now behind the other by 2 seconds. This would probably tie into what you said about "time slowing down". Either way, fascinating stuff.
  11. Yes, that's what I meant too. This was first done long time ago, probably in the 80-ties if not 70-ties, that's the relativistic time delay you encounter in such situations. The famous twin paradox is based on the same principle.
  12. Not the way I heard it :D. One day, a group of folks decided to measure the speed of the rotation of the Earth, so they fired a laser first from East to West, then West to East, and carefully and very accurately recorded the time and distance. They expected to find a different speed for the East-West test than the West-East test, since the Earth's rotation would speed one up and slow the other one down.

    Boy, were they surprised when both tests came out with the same numbers! I think (but am not sure) this was preRelativity.

  13. A LASER pre-Relativity?

    Maybe they had a time machine of their own.
  14. It may have been plain old light. Not sure. Lasers where invented in what? `58 or something?
  15. yes, light. you're talking about michelson-morley experiment in 1879:


    - jaan
  16. Let's not forget Back to the Future when Doc Brown's dog, Einstein, travelled back thru time in the DeLorean, and his clock was exactly one minute behind when he returned to the mall parking lot.

    "As far as he's concerned, the trip was instantaneous!!!"

    Of course, that was before the Libyans came after Doc in the Winnebago and made all of it moot...