Compulsive
Registered: May 2007
Posts: 875 |
05-25-07 09:13 PM
Long story, short story
As I look back at my trading career, there is a pattern that is compulsive. I started trading in 1992, when back then I would wait for my weekly charts to come on Mondays and the Investors Daily every morning and manually updated the futures by hand. I started with a $5,000 account and back then I was paing $45 RT. In 6 months the account had gone up to $85,000. Would buy or sell 1-2 contracts and held it until I got stopped out or until it reach my target, sometimes as long as 3 months. I finally had found my vehicle towards retirement. Then my broker, introduce me to "Day Trading"
Why wait to make $1500 or $3000 or $5000 or what ever it was and it took weeks and even months to make while one could trade 10-20 contracts and take smaller profits of $100-200 per contract. It made sense. And so with that idea, got set up will real time (back then with E Signal, was paying $600 a month for real time and $100 a month for charts...things have change since then), in less than 3 days, the account had drop to $35,000. 
I was emotional F%$#k!
Out of desperation trying to get my money back and make profits, within 2 months the account stood at $2,500.
2 years later in 1994, I tried again with $5,000, no day trading ...follow my rules, account grew to $15,000 in 3 months and then it was a disaster In 1999 I tried again with another $10,000, again long term trading, the account grew to $39,500 in 5 months and then like the same pattern...lost 3/4 of it. Tried again in 2003 with a $10,000 account, long term trading and lasted 1 year, like a roller coaster it eventually came to an end.
Then In November 2006, I plung $25,000 and this time, I went back to day trading, commish was $3.75 rt, was going to trade the eminis Russell, had a plan, read the Discipline Trader, By Mark Douglas...mentally prepared myself. Had a set of rules too follow, no exucses allowed.
I started day trading after all the winter holidays, and so in Jan 05 2007, took the $25k and it stood at $235,000 by Feb 20 2007. But it was not easy, it was very stressfull. There were time that I would be up in one day $65,000 and the next day down $85,000. Crazy train it was and I could feel the pressure that this could not last very long. And so from March 01 to April 27, 2007 it was like having hemorrhoids everyday, eventually the bottom fell out and then the account stood at $4,950.00.
I really felt very suicidal, very sick, vomiting and a family to support. I checked in to see a psychologist. and to the recommendation of the therapsit, I am attenting GA meeting, Gamblers Anonymous. I have met 2 other traders in my meeting, there is one dude that we have become friends, but this man took a $50k account to $2.5 million in less then 10 months and lost it all!
So I ask, if 97% of traders do not make it, then surely this trading is some type of gambling and there is a fine line, this invisible line between a professional gambler and a compulsive gambler. Shit, if the author of The Disciple Trader lost everything and had to file for banckruptcy, he was gambling.
As I look back, when I follow my plans, there is money to be made, but after awhile, I do not stick with my rules and eventually it gets crazy
http://www.gamblersanonymous.org/20questions.html
I fit the above profile to a "T"
The GA meetings tell me that I will no longer be able to trade again. I have placed my family in a financial stressful position that our savings is gone. Spouse ready to bolt with the children, she can't take this no more. I am certainly don't want any pity from anybody, but I keep asking, what causes me to do this?
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