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nutmeg
Registered: Jan 2007
Posts: 18265 |
05-24-07 07:15 PM
I found a pretty good joke yesterday, I was going to post but it had the words Vito and Guido and didn't want to offend any Italians. It is hard to find good animal jokes.
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Yannis
Registered: Jan 2002
Posts: 5293 |
05-24-07 07:42 PM
Quote from nutmeg:
I found a pretty good joke yesterday, I was going to post but it had the words Vito and Guido and didn't want to offend any Italians. It is hard to find good animal jokes.
Then, why don't you just change the names to Luigi and Mario? No one could tell the difference, it'll be fine. OK, let's hear it!
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nutmeg
Registered: Jan 2007
Posts: 18265 |
05-24-07 09:11 PM
When you hire a new sales force it's important to invest in their training. Not only will that help get everyone "on the same page" it will enable you to spend some serious time bonding with new hires, especially over $8 beers at bars you cannot tell your wife about. In order to help fill the training gap a virtual industry has sprung up offering all kinds of sales training courses, seminars and materials.
Some of the popular training courses in high tech sales include:
Target Account Selling
Solution Selling
Spin Selling
Low-Carbo Selling
Selling To VITO (Very Important Top Officer)
Selling To Guido, his brother
Selling To Tony, his barber
Sell Your Way To The Top
Sell Your Way Out Of Prison
Willie Loman's Guide To Closing The Deal
Sell Anything to Anyone Even If They Hate Your Guts
These are definitely worth the money in order to establish a common vocabulary for the sales people. Mostly of the vocabulary will be along the lines of "this training sucks" but it will certainly be common.
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flytiger
Registered: May 2005
Posts: 6140 |
05-24-07 09:40 PM
I used to know all Italian jokes. I'm italian American. But then we lost out to, if I remember the progression, Blacks, Irish, Gays, Poles. It's tough to get booted off the top like that. No ceremony.
Why are so many of us named "Tony". ?
They used to give us little tags that said, "To NY".
I did the one about "foot and a half". Remember Club Foot? Wanted to offend as many as possible there.
There must be some about women's facial hair, that sorta stuff. I"ll feed the dogs and be back. I'm sure they're back there in what gray matter I have left buried under naked pictures of Playmates from the sixties, bad memories from my Catholic years; I'll dig them out.
Quick gay joke. Oh, get over it.
Two lesbians built their own house. No nails. All tongue and groove.
What do you call a Lesbian with long fingers? Well hung.
Bada boom. Set up Punch.
Oh yeah. They've got their own sneaker line. Nine inch tongues. Called, "Dikes".
Ok, that's it.
I'm writing some politician jokes, but it's hard to satirize clowns.
Oh yeah, clowns. what'd the cannibal say after tasting the clown? Man, this tastes funny.
Bada bing.
If I offended any gay people, get over it.. They call 'em jokes for a reason. Like the gay guy who went to the proctologist. He felt a tugging when he walked. The doc was scoping him and said, "Oh my God. There's a rose up here. A rose."
"Well-l-l-l-l-l-l-, said the patient. "Are you going to read the card, or not???"
OK I'll be back to make fun of me in a minute.
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flytiger
Registered: May 2005
Posts: 6140 |
05-24-07 10:31 PM
Difference between an Italian Grandmother and an elephant?
fifty pounds and a black dress.
On a recent transatlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm. The
turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck
by lightning. One woman in particular loses it.
Screaming, she stands up in the front of the plane. Im too young to die, she
wails. Then she yells, Well, if Im going to die, I want my last minutes on
earth to be memorable! Is there ANYONE on this plane who can make me feel like
a WOMAN?
For a moment there is silence.. Everyone has forgotten their own peril. They allstared, riveted, at the desperate woman in the front of the plane.
Then an Italian man stands up in the rear of the plane. He is gorgeous : tall, well built, with dark brown hair and hazel eyes.
He starts to walk slowly up the aisle,unbuttoning his shirt
..one button at a
time.
No one moves.
He removes his shirt.
.
Muscles ripple across his chest.
..
She gasps
..
He whispers:
.
Iron this, and get me something to eat
.
An elderly Italian man lay dying in his bed. While suffering the agonies of impending death, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite Italian anisette sprinkle cookies wafting up the stairs. Gathering his remaining strength, he lifted himself from the bed. Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort, gripping the railing with both hands, he crawled downstairs.
With labored breath, he leaned against the door frame, gazing into the kitchen. There, spread out upon waxed paper on the kitchen table were literally hundreds of his favorite anisette sprinkled cookies.?
Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself towards the table, landing on his knees in a crumpled posture. His parched lips parted, the wondrous taste of the cookie was already in his mouth, seemingly bringing him back to life.
The aged and withered hand trembled on its way to a cookie at the edge of the table, when it was suddenly smacked with a spatula by his wife.
"Ay!! These are for the wake."
Italian girl walking down the street w/a pig under her arm. Guys says, "Hey, wheredya get the pig?"
Pig says, "I won her in a raffle."
Guy gave his Italian girlfriend a vibrator for her birthday. She chipped a tooth.
Bada bing. ayee I"m killing me here. Bada boom.
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gwb-trading
Registered: Jan 2002
Posts: 1733 |
05-24-07 10:52 PM
"The trouble with being in the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.
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My partner and I were in our police car when we were dispatched to break up a domestic dispute. We spoke with the couple, and the problem was quickly resolved. On leaving, I was admiring the craftsmanship of their turn-of-the-century home and reached for what I thought was the front door. Realizing my mistake, I was turning away in embarrassment when I heard my partner say, "If you have any more problems, we'll be in your closet."
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To pass the time while our plane was being de-iced, the flight attendants played a trivia game with the passengers. They asked us to guess the total number of years the three of them had worked for the airlines. After an attendant collected our estimates, we heard the announcement: "The correct answer is 26 years. For the two people who came closest with 28 years, we have prizes. And for the passenger in seat 12F who guessed 85 years, would you please step off the plane once we are airborne."
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A ragged individual stranded for several months on a small desert island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean noticed a bottle lying in the sand with a piece of paper in it. Rushing to the bottle, he pulled out the cork and with shaking hands withdrew the message. "Due to lack of maintenance," he read, "we regretfully have found it necessary to cancel your e-mail account."
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Son asked his mother the following question: "Mom, why are wedding dresses white?"
The mother looks at her son and replies, "Son, this shows your friends and relatives that your bride is pure."
The son thanks his Mom and goes off to double-check this with his father. "Dad why are wedding dresses white?"
The father looks at his son in surprise and says, "Son, all household appliances come in white."
----------------------------------------
A counterfeiter decided that the easiest way to pass off his phony $18 bills would be to unload them in some small rural town, so he drove until he found a tiny town with a single general merchandise store. He entered the store, went up to the counter, and handed one of the bogus bills to the man behind the counter "Could you change this for me, please?"
The store clerk looked at the bill for a few seconds then smiled at the man. "Of course I can. Would you prefer two $9 bills or three $6 bills?"
------------------------------------------
My friend, an ex-Marine Aviator wanted to show off his new twin-engine plane. I was riding along as he put it through its paces. Suddenly, we were caught in a violent thunderstorm, with lightning crashing all around us. Next, we lost the radio and most of the instruments. As we were being tossed around in the sky, George said, "Uh-oh!"
Fearing the worst, I asked, "What's wrong now?"
He replied, "I got the hiccups. Do something to scare me."
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