Elite Trader

Elite Trader (http://www.elitetrader.com/vb/index.php)
-   Politics & Religion (http://www.elitetrader.com/vb/forumdisplay.php?f=27)
-   -   $800 to $350 million in only 2 weeks! (http://www.elitetrader.com/vb/showthread.php?t=15695)

Jim Kelvin Mar 28th, 2003 04:11 PM

$800 to $350 million in only 2 weeks!
Wednesday March 19, 2003


NEW YORK -- Federal investigators have arrested an enigmatic Wall Street wiz on insider-trading charges -- and incredibly, he claims to be a time-traveler from the year 2256!

Sources at the Security and Exchange Commission confirm that 44-year-old Andrew Carlssin offered the bizarre explanation for his uncanny success in the stock market after being led off in handcuffs on January 28.

"We don't believe this guy's story -- he's either a lunatic or a pathological liar," says an SEC insider.

"But the fact is, with an initial investment of only $800, in two weeks' time he had a portfolio valued at over $350 million. Every trade he made capitalized on unexpected business developments, which simply can't be pure luck.

"The only way he could pull it off is with illegal inside information. He's going to sit in a jail cell on Rikers Island until he agrees to give up his sources."

The past year of nose-diving stock prices has left most investors crying in their beer. So when Carlssin made a flurry of 126 high-risk trades and came out the winner every time, it raised the eyebrows of Wall Street watchdogs.

"If a company's stock rose due to a merger or technological breakthrough that was supposed to be secret, Mr. Carlssin somehow knew about it in advance," says the SEC source close to the hush-hush, ongoing investigation.

When investigators hauled Carlssin in for questioning, they got more than they bargained for: A mind-boggling four-hour confession.

Carlssin declared that he had traveled back in time from over 200 years in the future, when it is common knowledge that our era experienced one of the worst stock plunges in history. Yet anyone armed with knowledge of the handful of stocks destined to go through the roof could make a fortune.

"It was just too tempting to resist," Carlssin allegedly said in his videotaped confession. "I had planned to make it look natural, you know, lose a little here and there so it doesn't look too perfect. But I just got caught in the moment."

In a bid for leniency, Carlssin has reportedly offered to divulge "historical facts" such as the whereabouts of Osama Bin Laden and a cure for AIDS.

All he wants is to be allowed to return to the future in his "time craft."

However, he refuses to reveal the location of the machine or discuss how it works, supposedly out of fear the technology could "fall into the wrong hands."

Officials are quite confident the "time-traveler's" claims are bogus. Yet the SEC source admits, "No one can find any record of any Andrew Carlssin existing anywhere before December 2002."

Weekly World News will continue to follow this story as it unfolds. Keep watching for further developments.


wally_ Mar 28th, 2003 04:22 PM

What if this guy is right?
I mean, time travelling has not been completely excluded by physics, it's that it is still highly speculative and no-one has come up with practical ways of doing it. Theoretical ways involve objects that we still need to either find in the Universe or build in the lab. Doing so in the lab is impossible at this stage of the mankind's technology.

But if time travelling is possible then future generations are making quite a bundle on us...

marketsurfer Mar 28th, 2003 04:26 PM

that is a super cool post ! funny !!! you made my weekend !

thanks !


Toonces Mar 28th, 2003 04:36 PM


zboy2854A Mar 28th, 2003 04:39 PM

Actually, time travel has been accomplished before, albeit on a small scale. Ever hear about the experiments done by the military with jets and Uranium clocks?

FRuiTY PeBBLe Mar 28th, 2003 04:47 PM

WE'RE ALL ALREADY TIME TRAVELERS!!!!! Yes, it's true, too! (just on small scales) :-/


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 11:56 AM.