Unemployment Humor COSTELLO : I want to talk about the unemployment rate in America. ABBOTT: Good Subject. Terrible Times. It’s 5.6%. COSTELLO: That many people are out of work? ABBOTT: No, that’s 23%. COSTELLO: You just said 5.6%. ABBOTT: 5.6% Unemployed. COSTELLO: Right 5.6% out of work. ABBOTT: No, that’s 23%. COSTELLO: Okay, so it’s 23% unemployed. ABBOTT: No, that’s 5.6%. COSTELLO: WAIT A MINUTE. Is it 5.6% or 23%? ABBOTT: 5.6% are unemployed. 23% are out of work. COSTELLO: If you are out of work you are unemployed. ABBOTT: No, Congress said you can’t count the “Out of Work” as the unemployed. You have to look for work to be unemployed. COSTELLO: BUT THEY ARE OUT OF WORK!!! ABBOTT: No, you miss his point. COSTELLO: What point? ABBOTT: Someone who doesn’t look for work can’t be counted with those who look for work. It wouldn’t be fair. COSTELLO: To whom? ABBOTT: The unemployed. COSTELLO: But ALL of them are out of work. ABBOTT: No, the unemployed are actively looking for work. Those who are out of work gave up looking and if you give up, you are no longer in the ranks of the unemployed. COSTELLO: So if you’re off the unemployment roles that would count as less unemployment? ABBOTT: Unemployment would go down. Absolutely! COSTELLO: The unemployment just goes down because you don’t look for work? ABBOTT: Absolutely it goes down. That’s how it gets to 5.6%. Otherwise it would be 23%. COSTELLO : Wait, I got a question for you. That means there are two ways to bring down the unemployment number? ABBOTT: Two ways is correct. COSTELLO: Unemployment can go down if someone gets a job? ABBOTT: Correct. COSTELLO: And unemployment can also go down if you stop looking for a job? ABBOTT: Bingo. COSTELLO: So there are two ways to bring unemployment down, and the easier of the two is to have people stop looking for work. ABBOTT: Now you’re thinking like an Economist. COSTELLO: I don’t even know what the heck I just said! ABBOTT: Now you’re thinking like a Politician.
TEN REASONS TO VOTE DEMOCRAT BY LETTERMAN #10. I vote Democrat because I love the fact that I can now marry whatever I want. I've decided to marry my German Shepherd. #9. I vote Democrat because I believe oil companies' profits of 4% on a gallon of gas are obscene, but the government taxing the same gallon at 15% isn't. #8. I vote Democrat because I believe the government will do a better job of spending the money I earn than I would. #7. I vote Democrat because Freedom of Speech is fine as long as nobody is offended by it. #6. I vote Democrat because I'm way too irresponsible to own a gun, and I know that my local police are all I need to protect me from murderers and thieves. I am also thankful that we have a 911 service that gets police to your home in order to identify your body after a home invasion. #5. I vote Democrat because I'm not concerned about millions of babies being aborted so long as we keep all death row inmates alive and comfy. #4. I vote Democrat because I think illegal aliens have a right to free health care, education, and Social Security benefits, and we should take away Social Security from those who paid into it. #3. I vote Democrat because I believe that businesses should not be allowed to make profits for themselves. They need to break even and give the rest away to the government for redistribution as the Democrat Party sees fit. #2. I vote Democrat because I believe liberal judges need to rewrite the Constitution every few days to suit fringe kooks who would never get their agendas past the voters. … And, the #1 reason I vote Democrat is because I think it's better to pay $billions$ for oil to people who hate us, but not drill our own because it might upset some endangered beetle, gopher, or fish here in America. We don't care about the beetles, gophers, or fish in those other countries. "The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits"… Albert Einstein **************************** I know you all will appreciate this definition. The best description of Obamacare so far…. Remember when Nancy Pelosi said:"You have to pass it to know what is in it" A PHYSICIAN CALLED INTO A RADIO SHOW AND SAID: "THAT'S THE DEFINITION OF A STOOL SAMPLE."
FOOD FOR THOUGHT! - IN THREE PARTS: Part I: A. Back off and let those men who want to marry men, marry men. B. Allow those women who want to marry women, marry women. C. Allow those folks who want to abort their babies, abort their babies. D. In three generations, there will be no Democrats. I love it when a plan comes together; don’t you? Part II: 10 Poorest City, State, % of People Below the Poverty Level in America (How did it happen?) 1. Detroit, MI 32.5% 2. Buffalo, NY 29.9% 3. Cincinnati, OH 27.8% 4. Cleveland, OH 27.0% 5. Miami, FL 26.9% 5. St. Louis, MO 26.8% 7. El Paso, TX 26.4% 8. Milwaukee, WI 26.2% 9. Philadelphia, PA 25.1% 10. Newark, NJ 24.2% What do the top ten cities (over 250,000 pop.) with the highest poverty rate all have in common? Detroit, MI - (1st on the poverty rate list) hasn't elected a Republican mayor since 1961 Buffalo, NY - (2nd) hasn't elected one since 1954 Cincinnati, OH - (3rd) not since 1984 Cleveland, OH - (4th) not since 1989 Miami, FL - (5th) has never had a Republican mayor St. Louis, MO - (6th) not since 1949 El Paso, TX - (7th) has never had a Republican mayor Milwaukee, WI - (8th) not since 1908 Philadelphia, PA -(9th) not since 1952 Newark, NJ - (10th) not since 1907 It is the poor who habitually elect Democrats... yet they are still POOR. Einstein once said, 'The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.' Part III: "You cannot help the poor by destroying the rich. You cannot strengthen the weak by weakening the strong. You cannot bring about prosperity by discouraging thrift. You cannot lift the wage earner up by pulling the wage payer down. You cannot further the brotherhood of man by inciting class hatred. You cannot build character and courage by taking away people's initiative and independence. You cannot help people permanently by doing for them, what they could and should do for themselves." ~Abraham Lincoln "Any man who thinks he can be happy and prosperous by letting the government take care of him had better take a closer look at the American Indian ." ~Henry Ford
And these people vote? For entertainment, Walmart is the BEST ! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CY-tmSxREys
An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Latvian, a Turk, a German, an Indian, several Americans (including a Hawaiian and an Alaskan), an Argentinean, a Dane, an Australian, a Slovak, an Egyptian, a Japanese, a Moroccan, a Frenchman, a New Zealander, a Spaniard, a Russian, a Guatemalan, a Colombian, a Pakistani, a Malaysian, a Croatian, a Uzbek, a Cypriot, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Chinese, a Sri Lankan, a Lebanese, a Cayman Islander, a Ugandan, a Vietnamese, a Korean, a Uruguayan, a Czech, an Icelander, a Mexican, a Finn, a Honduran, a Panamanian, an Andorran, an Israeli, a Venezuelan, an Iranian, a Fijian, a Peruvian, an Estonian, a Syrian, a Brazilian, a Portuguese, a Liechtensteiner, a Mongolian, a Hungarian, a Canadian, a Moldovan, a Haitian, a Norfolk Islander, a Macedonian, a Bolivian, a Cook Islander, a Tajikistani, a Samoan, an Armenian, an Aruban, an Albanian, a Greenlander, a Micronesian, a Virgin Islander, a Georgian, a Bahaman, a Belarusian, a Cuban, a Tongan, a Cambodian, a Canadian, a Qatari, an Azerbaijani, a Romanian, a Chilean, a Jamaican, a Filipino, a Ukrainian, a Dutchman, a Ecuadorian, a Costa Rican, a Swede, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Swiss, a Greek, a Belgian, a Singaporean, an Italian, a Norwegian and 62 Africans from various regions of that continent...... walk into a fine restaurant. "I'm sorry," says the Maître D', after scrutinizing the group... "You can't come in here without a Thai."
Nature's way of weeding out the dumb ones. Fishing with a hand grenade. 1.. Pull the pin. 2.. Throw it far from the boat. 3.. Net the stunned and dead fish. These guys forgot step 2. I could watch it for hours.... Click on photo